HOW MUCH DO I HAVE?

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When my mom passed away, a friend came up to me at the funeral and said she understands why I am so sad. It is because after my dad passes away, I will not have anyone love me unconditionally. These words stuck with me for the next 15 years. I couldn’t get these words out of my head. My dad isn’t perfect but none of us are. Whenever I get frustrated by him, I remind myself that he is the only person I have left to love me unconditionally. I better not ruin that. I learned not to expect unconditional love from my relationships or closest friends. I know they will do a lot for me, but I knew it would be different from “unconditional love.”

I found out fairly late that I was pregnant. When I found out, I was shocked and was taking in the information. After I got an ultrasound, I was told she had a concerning spot in her brain and heart. Immediately, I hugged my stomach and cried. I knew I loved her and wanted to do everything I could for her. (Turns out the spots were fine.) When she was born, I morphed into someone I didn’t think was possible. I became a mom that would do anything for her. Every time someone asked me how’s motherhood. I would say with wide eyes that I didn’t know I could love someone so much. I didn’t know I had that much love in me.

Each day that goes by, I love her even more. I loved her 100% when she was in me. I loved her 110% when she was born. Each day that goes by, I love her a little bit more. Doing the math, I started to wonder what percentage I would be at when she turns one year old. Then, I realized that I loved her unconditionally. This is what it means to love unconditionally. I know I will love her:

No matter what grades she gets in school;

No matter what clothes she wears;

No matter what music she listens to;

No matter what tv shows she watches;

No matter what friends she chooses;

No matter what hobbies she takes up and how well she does in them;

No matter what occupation she chooses;

No matter how much money she makes and saves;

No matter how big her house is;

No matter where she lives;

No matter her political views;

No matter who she chooses as her partner;

No matter what decisions she makes.

I know I will love her unconditionally because she is my daughter. This is not out of obligation but out of love for her. I have a lot of love for her.

This blog post was originally posted at Milk + Confetti. Check out the site for more mom related stories and advice.