I have been asked this question a couple of times now by new moms. My honest answer is: Absolutely. Having a child is essentially adding another person into an existing relationship. A threesome may sound fun but not when the third wheel is an infant needing around the clock care and don’t have any words in her vocabulary yet. You can’t split things 50/50, you now have to split things three ways. These things includes finances, space, time, and of course love.
YOUR DIFFERENCES ARE MORE APPARENT
The differences you had were likely there before you had your child. Once your child is born, these differences are magnified. At times you wonder how your partner was even raised in such a way and survived. You also feel the way you were raised were more superior and correct. These apparent differences occur out of frustration of being new parents. You have so much thrown your way that you really don’t know what you do. Both of you are doing the best you can and taking stabs at this parenting thing from what you learned from your parents.
Eventually, you will appreciate the differences. It gives you another way of looking at things and something to discuss to find the best solution. Differences aside, you and your partner likely have the same common goal – to raise a happy and healthy child.
YOU ARGUE MORE
As a result of your differences, you will likely argue more. This is all new to you both, your routine is thrown off, and you don’t remember the last time you had a good night’s rest. You will argue about everything at any time. Just remember your partner is likely not being an ass, there are a ton of external variables working against you.
Eventually, you go back to being on the same page, mostly for the love of your child. Some of the things you previously argued about has resolved or the phrase has passed. Some of the external variables are also resolved. The biggest one is when your baby starts to sleep through the night and you too are getting some rest. It is easier to be logical and rational when you have some restful sleep in you!
YOU TALK LESS TO EACH OTHER
Several factors on why you might talk less to each other. 1) You are biting your tongue not to tell them how wrong they are doing something. 2) You don’t have much to talk about, especially when you are on mat leave the first couple of months. 3) You are just too tired to communicate. You just need to get the gist of the conversation out and proceed.
Once you get into a routine and understand this is the new normal, you will talk again like old times. The topics maybe a little different and more colorful (Did baby poo today? Was it good?) But you will learn again how to talk to each other, appreciate each other, and date each other.
This blog post was originally posted at Milk + Confetti. Check out the site for more mom related stories and advice.