This update is going to be a really personal one.
I used to hate the month of May. Yup, the entire month. The main reason is because Mother's Day is in this month and there are constant and tons of reminders of this day. I hated being constantly reminded that my mom passed away and I "couldn't" celebrate this day.
It has been 16 years since she passed and I hated about 14 years of them. The turning point was of course, when my daughter was born and I became a mom. I'm not saying that I like the month of May because now I get to be spoiled or acknowledged but I am starting to remember my mom in different ways. Rather than dwell on the things that I couldn't do with her, I started to think about the things that I did do with her and that made me happier.
As I think about the good memories, it is funny to me that some of the best moments were not planned. I remember:
- Getting to wear makeup for the very first time on my birthday because I was standing behind a door (knob) and my cousin opened it into my face. My mom wanted a group picture of the kids (because it was a thing back then) and she wanted to even out my cheeks since one of them was quickly turning purple.
- Getting to eat chips and have pop for dinner for my birthday. Woohoo!! This might be when my chip obsession started.
- In addition to Chinese school every Saturday morning, I also had Chinese art classes every Saturday afternoon. (Yup, my Saturdays were shot pretty much for 11 years.) When I had to switch art schools to a new teacher with new students, I was scared. What did my mom do? She accompanied me to art class for HALF A YEAR.
- When I was in University, it was my turn to accompany my mom. Unfortunately, it was to radiation treatments. It was a tough time, but we managed to crack jokes about each other, the situation, the hospital, and the staff. Sorry! I probably got my dark humor from her.
All in all, I think I am ok with the month of May now.. Moving forward, I will use this month to reflect the love my mom had for me and what I have learned from her.